back

hello again. its been awhile! i plan to stay this time. as i work on putting my many thoughts into words, i wanted to leave you with this...

content but not satisfied

Have you been there? In that place of knowing you have enough but understanding you need something new, something more? Its this place of being content, being thankful, but being totally and completely unsatisfied. Life has been pretty crazy lately...full of new opportunities, potential changes, chaos, and I'll just come out with it-STRESS. The kind of stress that brings me to my knees because there is absolutely no where else to go. Only that should be the first place I go-regardless. Right?Waiting. Patience. Trust. Haven't I learned these lessons already like a million times? It seems that I overcome one thing, by Grace, and then life bombards us as soon as I put my pen down from journaling the heck out of that experience. On to the next. And I sense the Lord asking me Are you going to trust me this time? Or are you going to attempt to take this into your own hands? Why does He ask such pointed questions? I don't want to answer that! I don't have time to answer that. Yet in reality-I don't have time not to answer Him. I will trust Him. I will wait. I will be content but not satisfied. I want more of Him. I want more of His Presence. I want to be a better wife. I want to be a better leader. I want to cook better meals. Better cupcakes. Be in better shape. I want more room. More space. I long for more and deeper relationships. More opportunities. More. More. More. My desire for more is not selfish- or at least that is not my intent. I want to live a life of gratitude. I'm constantly overwhelmed with thanksgiving for all that I have that I definitely did not deserve in the least. My heart is to be grateful but never complacent. What are you desiring more of in your life?  

As for the stress I mentioned, somehow in the midst of the chaos, I'm experiencing peace that I've never felt before. I know He will supply every need at the perfect time, most likely at the last minute. But it will, in fact, be perfect because it will be from Him, through Him, by Him.

thoughts on patience

Summer seems to be slipping away so quickly. I can hardly believe its the middle of July. Where does time go these days? If you live in the southeast, most of your July, like mine, has been wet. Really wet. What's with all this rain? I've felt lately that somehow I was re-located to Seattle without my consent. I've never seen this much rain in my life. Oh well. Life goes on.

Here's the first part of my July as told by Instagram...

We have a new favorite downtown. If you're ever in Asheville you must try this place. 

Best fish tacos ever.

Rainy breakfast date with my favorite :)

Barnes & Noble + Starbucks coffe + 

preparing for sharing our hearts with our church body = indescribably sweet moments

Made pasta for the first time in forever. Whole wheat of course :) It was yummy. 

So. About patience. Is it just me, or is this an ongoing life lesson for everyone? It seems like every corner turned, proceeding each small victory, there's another giant obstacle staring me in the face. Seeming to ask bluntly, "What's the problem? Haven't you learned to trust by now?"  Yeah, I haven't. I'm hopeful that I am progressing in this learning process. But I'm so. not. there. yet. I'm not saying I expect to have a perfect life with zero trials or run-ins with the world. We are promised that as followers of Jesus- we should expect hardship and resistance. I'm just asking the Lord to help me not panic every time it comes. To learn to relax in Him, knowing that He has a plan, because His faithfulness has been proven time and time again. Why is it so difficult to trust? Why is it so easy to forget that He always provides? That good always comes even when it looks so evil and hopeless in the moment? Testing. Its not fun. Our faith is being tested. Learning and growing- whether I like it or not! It is a good thing. And I'm grateful for it- underneath all this anxiety and craziness. It drives me to my knees, to the Word, to a strong desire for more of Him. Hm, maybe I'm catching on.

Just some thoughts. Thanks for listening. Hope your mid-July is truly wonderful.


 

What I've been reading...

Captive in Iran by Maryam Rostampour and Marziyeh Amirizadeh was incredibly eye opening. These two Iranian women tell their story of what living out your faith truly looks like. Both women grew up in Muslim families. Both women met Jesus- who changed their lives forever. They became best friends, and together set out on a journey of spreading the good news no matter the cost. In Iran, it is not necessarily "illegal" to be a Christian. However, converting to Christianity and certainly promoting it, will get you thrown into prison and most likely executed. Maryam and Marziyeh were aware of this, but bravely pressed on by talking to people about Jesus, passing out thousands of Bibles, and even helped begin two secret home churches. But the Iranian government had their eyes on them, and in 2009 they were arrested and were eventually taken to the infamous Evin Prison located in Tehran.

Maryam and Marziyeh did not let the fact that they were now deemed "criminals" discourage or stop them from sharing the love of Jesus with those around them. During their stay in the horrible conditions of prison life in Iran, they managed to minister to countless fellow prisoners, guards, and government officials. "Making the best of the situation" is putting it lightly. I highly recommend picking up a copy of this book and allowing it to inspire you to ask "am I really willing to count the cost?".

What I've been reading...

As I mentioned in an earlier post I've been reading this book One Thousand Gifts. I feel like I'm the last person on the planet to read it. I bought it months ago and I've re-started chapter 1 countless times. I'm glad I finally made it a priority..'cause believe me- it was well worth it! Ann Vosskamp, with her poetic flare, gets down to the nitty gritty of real life thanksgiving, eucharisteo. She beautifully walks her reader through her journey of counting gifts. She begins to count and makes her way to one thousand...and beyond. She opens her eyes and heart up to the gifts, the blessings, the moments given to her by Jesus. As she intentionally names these gifts- the meaning and value of them manifest themselves- and she cannot help but to give true thanks to God, the giver of them all.

Her journey of thanksgiving is inspiring. It becomes so much more than merely counting blessings, making lists, but realizing and encountering the fullness of joy through the presence of God. She says, "Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, and joy is always  given, never grasped. God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy."

I wholeheartedly recommend this book. To anyone who is searching for true joy- I believe you will find it by doing what she did- begin giving thanks to the God who is the giver of all good gifts. Name His blessings. Expect to see His gifts just as much in the mundane, the ugly-beautiful moments of life as well as in the high-highs, and seemingly trial-absent seasons. For we experience both- and in each season- He deserves thanks.  May I never take for granted the countless gifts God so graciously gives daily, every moment. My breath. My very life. My best friend and soul mate wrapped up into one person. The ability to be active. The freedom to worship. Community. Eyes to see His glory in the scenery, people, and things around me. I don't deserve these blessings- this grace. Yet He has given...and He could take away... I will choose thanksgiving.

I could go on forever. Get this book. Read it. Watch your heart change. Mine did.

friday to do's

Happy Friday, ya'll. I am slightly disappointed that it is Friday- and the current view from my window looks dreary and unreasonably windy for a Friday in May. But it is the weekend nonetheless (-a long weekend at that!), with lots to do and to look forward to. Here are some things on my list of to-do's...

1. Spring cleaning. I won't lie and tell you how much I am not looking forward to this- I actually enjoy cleaning in a weird-OCD-sort of way. Here's a good list I found that's more than doable. 

Found here.

2. Make this salad. It looks incredibly yummy. Can't go wrong with an apple salad....or anything apple really! 

Recipe found here.

3. Read this book. A reliable source recommended it. 

Find it here.

4. Remember this quote. Oh... and practice it too. 

From here.

5. Do this workout. Cause I like to change up my leg workout routines...& who wouldn't want 

dancer's legs? 

From here.

6. Purchase grass-fed beef burgers with the awesome coupon I just received in an email! What would Memorial Day weekend be without a good burger? 

Well-I'm gonna go get started! What's on your to-do list this weekend? Whatever it is- I hope that it is splendid in every way. :) 

on the horizon

Picture by A Thousand Words

Something beautiful is on the horizon. Can I get a good old-fashioned "A-men"? Anyone else clinging to the hope of what's ahead? Not in a wallow-in-my-sorrows-til-I-get-there sort of way- but in an expectant sort of way. 

A sort of way, in which, I must be an active part of the journey. 

I was reminded today that a lack of thankfulness can keep me from getting to that horizon. 

Ouch- I know. 

Countless times do I sit (or stand, drive, sleep, eat, shower) and think about the what-if's, the should-be's, all of the road blocks, the obstacles, and the why's that seem to be going on in my life. 

Please tell me I'm not the only one who hones in on the negative? 

In the midst of my battle with negativity- I realized that almost all of these seemingly huge, but in all actuality- really mundane, issues all trace back to a root of ingratitude. So true, right? 

So, in the words of Ann Vosskamp (love her!), "How in the world, for the sake of my joy, do I learn to use eucharisteo (true thanksgiving) to overcome my one  ugly and self-destructive habit of ingratitude (that habit that causes both my cosmic and daily fall) with the saving habit of gratitude- that would lead me back to deep God-communion." 

My soul is burning with this question! How do I overcome this deep-rooted, obnoxious, hideous attitude of un-thankfulness? Ann Vosskamp recommends in her book to begin a "Gift List". No, not of things I want, need, wish I had, think I should already have, etc. No this list is different. It is to be compiled of gifts I already have. Things I'm thankful to have. Everything from the sweet taste on my tongue from a sip of Granny's frozen strawberry lemonade to the uncontainable joy that comes from the answered prayers of a community of people who truly want to serve God together. 

The goal is 1,000 gifts and I  am eagerly taking the challenge. There's something about being intentional in looking for these gifts. May my eyes and heart be open to see the thousands of gifts around me, that are worth taking note of, and giving thanks for. Why? Because He is worthy. So worthy. And it's about time I start giving Him glory. 

Wanna join? What a fun journey this would be if we did it together! :) If you choose, leave a comment, then follow my journey here on the blog and on twitter.